I have always been “chubby”. In high school I was a varsity cheerleader for 4 years and I always had the biggest uniform….the one that they bought in case a fat girl tried out for the squad. I don’t know what I weighed then, but I wore a size 11/13. At 5’8”, I didn’t look “that big, but I had the big boobs, and I gain all my weight in my chest and my belly.
After going to college and living on dorm food for three years, my weight increased even more as my activity level decreased a lot. I lived in jeans and baggy hoodies. I remember the summer before I graduated, going out with my then boyfriend and wearing denim shorts and a ratty American Eagle sweatshirt when it was 85 degrees out because I didn’t feel comfortable in anything else.
The summer of 2006 which was right after I graduated, lots of exciting things happened. I got engaged a week after I graduated and my mom, 2 sisters and I headed off for a week in Maui the end of June. I had to buy all new summer clothes to wear in Maui since none of my clothes fit me from the summer before.
That fall, we got our engagement pictures done and I only had one pair of jeans that would fit, and I had to suck in during all the pictures so my belly wouldn’t stick out. After looking at the pictures, I realized how chubby my face looked.
Our wedding was planned for September of 2007. I worked all fall and into winter planning it, and then I became unemployed I sat home all day everyday from January to April with nothing to do but eat and play on the internet planning our wedding. I remember one day in early January of 2007 I decided to try on my wedding dress (which I had purchased the previous August) and I couldn’t get it to zip more than half way. That was about the time my mom suggested we join Weight Watchers together. (She has always struggled with her weight, too.) When I joined, I was scared to get on the scale. I weighed in at 205.6 pounds.
Over the next eight months, I counted points and my efforts were rewarded. I had wanted to lose 35 pounds before our wedding. Two days before the big day, I weighed in at 170.8…..34.8 pounds lighter than when I had started. But I was disappointed. I was a measly 0.2 pounds away from my mini goal (my actual goal is 155 pounds). I thought about how I could have done things differently in that week before weigh in, I couldn’t be happy with my success.
After that, I let it all go. I pigged out at the rehearsal dinner, at the wedding, and of course, on our honeymoon. Slowly, I gained .6 pounds here, 1 pound there. But we were still going to Weight Watchers so I thought it would be okay. I might gain 1 pound and then the next week lose .6 and think I was making progress, but I was slowly sliding backwards.
In the spring of 2008, I decided I wanted to start running. This was the first time I had done physical activity (besides a leisurely walk) since beginning Weight Watchers. I followed the Couch to 5K running program and ran 2 5K races that spring/summer. Then it got hot and I didn’t like being uncomfortable when I ran. So I stopped. Fast forward to January of this year. I decided to join a local gym since I was still gaining weight and wasn’t exercising.
I joined the gym and began running again. My dreams of someday running a marathon returned, but the weight gain kept coming. I would justify running two miles with eating dessert every night after dinner.
Currently, I am at 186 pounds and I hate my self for it. I have started a 10K training plan in hopes of running a 5.7 mile trail race on Mackinac Island this October. I would love to be at my wedding weight my anniversary on September 7th. I am still paying for and going to Weight Watchers, but have decided to make a huge effort at eating more natural foods and listening to my body. I don’t think the scale accurately depicts how healthy we are. I am heavier now than I was 2 years ago, but I also know my fitness/endurance level has increased. My clothes are tighter though, so I know I have not just been gaining 16 pounds of muscle (I wish!).
So here I am, hopefully documenting this journey will keep me more accountable. I have gathered so much inspiration from reading other women’s fitness/weight loss/running blogs, and I hope to someday be an inspiration for someone else. If you have any questions, please leave me a comment!!!